“Is Seeking Validation Good For Me?”
I was listening to Oprah Winfrey (one of my many Godmothers)’s commencement lecture of her addressing the Harvard Graduate class of 2013. She said every time she interviewed someone on her show, once the cameras are down, the first thing they ask is did they do well? Was that good? Did they speak well? She had heard it from President Bush, President Obama and even Beyonce, in all her ‘beyonceness’, after an interview with her asked if that was okay. Even Beyonce still needs some sort of validation. Does that mean it is only human? Does that make it normal?
A few days ago, I had a seminar presentation and afterwards, I asked at least 4 people if I had done well. I wanted to know if what I had done was good enough. Of course, they said it was but what if they said it was not? What would that have done to my ego? I remember earlier in the year when I needed to get myself school boots. I would always ask this particular friend of mine what he thought about any of the boots I saw on different online stores. He always had one thing or the other to say that prevented me from getting them. I still have not gotten them till this day.
Anytime one of my sisters wanted to go out, she would ask if her outfit looked good enough, if she looked beautiful in it and if it flattered her shape. I am also guilty of this too. I remember me telling myself I was going to stop asking and just wear anything I think I looked good enough to myself in.
Is it food for our ego that keeps us constantly seeking validation?
Maybe sometimes we know that we are good enough but we need to hear it from someone else’s mouth so it can sound like praises and make our heads swell so we have a reason to raise shoulder. But should we put other people’s opinions about us before ours?
Our own opinions about ourselves should be the thing that matters the most. No one’s opinion should affect how we feel about ourselves. We do not have to constantly be afraid of what people think about us. We have to learn to handle our insecurities without seeking validation. It is only human to be to an extent, self-conscious, but seeking other people’s opinion to feel good enough is ridiculous and unhealthy because what happens when the opinions are not positive?
Why we urgently need to stop
Validation can affect our ego negatively. We do not have to constantly seek to be good enough because we already are. Imagine how I would have felt if one of the people I asked if my presentation was good had said it was not and pointed out all the things I did not do or did wrong. Constantly seeking validation can harm our self-worth.
Seeking validation may cause rejection, especially when we do not get the validation we seek. It may lead to anxiety and undue pressure because we feel the need to always be perfect in our performance. Seeking validation only leaves our happiness dependent on other people. Oftentimes, it creates a sort of limitation for us and stops us from achieving. Imagine having big ideas and actions to bring them to fulfilment but someone whose opinions we rate so well, tells us it is not good enough when we go to “seek validation”. This is only going to limit our dreams and harm our desire to achieve.
In conclusion,
We have to be more aware of ourselves, develop a greater sense of self-worth, accept who we really are, practice more self-love, validate our own self and opinions, understand ourselves, compare less — I say less because comparing can motivate you to level up and be better, practice more, trust our guts and become familiar with our inner voice, take social media breaks when we have to and we would be just fine.
So what do you think about my post? 😉😉
